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Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.
Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.
Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.
Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.
Duty - that which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.
Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.
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