Can you imagine if you had a pair of shoes that you could only walk in? That could be kind of limiting under certain circumstances. 'Everybody get ou….

I never thought I'd be a comedian. But, growing up, I simply loved watching comedy. The '80s was huge for comedy in the US. Eddie Murphy blew me away….

I just got a new iPod. It's got 80 gigabytes. Because I like to jog for three weeks at a time and I do not want to hear the same song twice..

I couldn't get away with Halloween pranks 'cause my parents owned the health food store. So, it was so easy to bust me. I was the only kid on the blo….

My general rule of thumb is, once something's a ride at Disneyland, I assume that it is no longer a threat in real life. Which is why I don't expect ….

I was in a real conservative area just outside of Chicago recently. And this guy's like, 'Hey, Arj, you're from San Francisco. Are you in favor of ga….

Nobody can ever learn our military's secrets - unless, you know, they happen to have the Discovery Channel. Then, it's pretty easy, just tune in for ….

I'm thinking of switching banks, and my friend said, 'Well, what's wrong with Citibank?' Well, they can't spell 'city.' I hope their math is better t….

I love New York, though I'll never eat any of the ice creams that they sell in the park. That's just disgusting. You see the little picture of them? ….

I could've enjoyed a cigarette if I smoked back before everyone knew it was bad - say, like, 1923. Everybody smoked back then. There was no medical i….

I hate all generalisations..

There's no razor in candy. If for no other reason, it doesn't make financial sense. It's not fiscally prudent. How much does a piece of candy cost - ….

All I knew about Ireland before I went there was what I learned from watching soap commercials all my life. I was totally misinformed. I thought it w….

I was a typical kid. I dug holes in the yard, threw rocks, had plum battles with the neighbours and used trash can lids as shields. I was always outs….

My friend and I were up to all sorts of shenanigans at school. But one time it ended up disrupting the whole class and we got in trouble. His parents….

There are so many types of shoes. There's so many categories, and I really have no idea what type of shoe I need at any given time. And I go in there….

I'm in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn't even know I exist. And what's worse, she can prove it..

You can get tested now for early onset Alzheimer's. Hold on a second, could someone hire a marching band, cause I'm so happy I feel like having a par….