Explore Quotes by Bill Bailey

If I'm a national treasure, does that mean I'm like the Elgin Marbles and will get repatriated at some point?

In my twenties, I floated around for years, doing the odd theatre job but mainly leading a hedonistic lifestyle, getting intoxicated in plenty of different ways in plenty of different places.

I think people are quite refreshed with politicians who aren't concerned with what Arctic Monkeys track they like, but with the day-to-day, dull business of politics.

As a comedian and satirist you have to be neutral, because everyone's fair game. Once you show bias, you lose that.

I love to watch birds and wildlife.

The point with me is that it's always been, even with the stand-up, that the music has to be right. You have to take it seriously. You have to try and play it as faithfully as possible. That way it helps the comedy. Rather than just playing it in a silly way.

If you really push yourself you can perhaps achieve something you didn't think you could.

We are almost in a time beyond jokes, beyond satire. When the Trump era is called the 'post-truth' period, then this is the greatest joke of all, albeit quite depressing.

I did a show in this tiny town called Longyearbyen. We went snowmobiling around Svalbard and saw Arctic foxes, snow bunting, polar bear footprints and almost got lost in a blizzard.

I get a lot of nutters in my audiences.

I think that generally there's a pressure to live the best life you can.

You have to go to Scotland at all times of the year - in order to appreciate the times when the sun does come out.

As I get older, I have a very strong urge to know about stuff. I want to learn the names of trees and birds; that's the sort of knowledge I want to pass on to my son.

Fatherhood made everything more straightforward. I was relieved that no longer did I have to agonise over what meaning I had in my life.

London is a great place to be over Christmas.

I'm an omnivore, although I am trying to eat less meat. I went vegetarian for about two years, then I suddenly got a craving one morning and that was it.

Paddle boarding: it's the closest you get to walking on water.

The worst thing is when people try and take pictures surreptitiously. I always say, 'Look, you can ask me for a photograph. You will get a much better one than just the side of my face.' Sometimes they just run off. They can't cope.

One of the things I do really appreciate is that my audiences tend to be a wide range of ages and backgrounds, and I ascribe that to putting in the hours.

There is something very poignant about plastic bags. These lonely plastic bags that gradually disintegrate.

My comedy comes from the actual music itself - they're observational musical gags. I could take the music away and it would just be some words.