Explore Quotes by Bill Bailey

The Lib Dems are such terrible ditherers.

The two worst enemies of comedy are lack of sleep and not having had a decent meal.

Comedy can be quite all consuming at times, and if you're not careful you end up doing a tour, then a DVD, then another tour then a DVD. Suddenly the years have just flown by.

My earliest memory is feeling soil between my fingers when I was around three years old.

At yoga you get some sense of spiritual space so that people don't intrude. You can go there and close your eyes and no one will talk to you. People are too worried about not fainting to bother with some bloke who was on the telly.

I quite like confounding people's expectations.

I was always part of the end-of-term review at school. We would mercilessly mock any slight weakness in the teachers.

I think happiness really happens when you least expect it: it's when you're not really thinking about it, when you're not trying to achieve it, when you're not trying to get the perfect holiday, the perfect life, the perfect body, the perfect existence.

When I was 15, I went to see the Stranglers at Bath Pavilion. I saw Jean-Jacques Burnel take off his bass and whack a skinhead over the head with it because he gave a Nazi salute. I thought: 'This is brilliant!'

I realised that the 'future' is different to how I imagined it. When I was a kid I thought it would be a bright, shiny Tomorrow's World. It isn't.

I discovered I'm 60 per cent Viking. Well, more Danish, I suppose. I'm also two-and-a-half per cent Neanderthal.

Comedy is an indoors thing, so I take every opportunity to go outside. A lot of that involves finding places that are remote, or places where you can look at birds, or do mountain biking or paddle boarding or walking.

When you're a birder, you have all sorts of reference books, and you know about migratory patterns and technical stuff. Most people just look out the window, and say 'is that a pigeon?'

I used to live on a houseboat near Hammersmith Bridge.

We live in the age of entitlement, as opposed to enlightenment.

Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

There's more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.

The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.

Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.