Explore Quotes by Bill Burr

Patrice O'Neal is the best comic I ever saw.

Like most comics, I tried to come up with a sitcom idea that was based around my life. And it didn't work out. But maybe because it didn't work out, that's why I ended up on 'Breaking Bad;' I don't know.

Stand up comedy is this thing you get to do, so you have to treat it with respect. You can't just be like, 'Alright, I got my hour down, people are coming to see me now. Now, I'm going to lean on the mike stand.' No, you gotta work even harder now. You got to top what you already did. Because they'll find someone else.

You probably need 1/10 of the world's population for us to continue to exist. There's just too many damn people. You have to somehow get us from 7 billion people to... I don't know what the magic number is, but I imagine at some point, that will happen. And I don't know about you, but I don't think I'm making the cut.

The word 'ranting' is kind of overused now. Literally, if you just talk about a subject for 30 seconds or more, even if you never raised your voice, if I just talk about it, it's called a rant.

People focus too much on whether there's a Democrat or a Republican in office. It's not like this guy Kim-Jong Un got into power the second Trump got into power. It's not like he wasn't a problem. It's not like we haven't had warmongers. It's not like corporations haven't been the main influence on what we're doing around the world.

Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it's a fun place to live.

I think I just say what I'm thinking. And - you know, if people relate to it, they relate to it, but - I really - you know, if you really listen to me, I don't have my finger on any pulse.

Rich people never go to war. You ask a college kid to go to war, and he's like, 'Umm, I'm taking this sociology class, and I think war is, like, really stupid, and my roommate's, like, half Afghani, so it's going to cause some static.'

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.

I can't quite remember who I voted for president. It wasn't Trump or Hillary, though. I didn't like either one of them.

I'm not going to lie. I am a psycho. Luckily, I get most of it out on stage.

Working on the Dave Chappelle show was amazing.

You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, 'You know what? We don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.

God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?

I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with 'em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don't even notice that you're filling up their heads with your theories.

I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.

There is no reason to hit a woman. And I was just like, really? I could give you, like, 17 right off the top of my head.