Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health-nut dude. The plot thickens..

BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You're not a human being until you're in my phone book..

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big f….

I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Y….

But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It's no more a….

Rock stars hawking Diet Cokes--are demons set loose on the Earth to lower the standards for the perfect & holy children of God!.

Eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions god's infinite love..

There is a 3rd point of view on the gun control issue - those who I refer to as THE VICTIMS - but they remain strangely silent..

You want a better world...? Legalize pot right now. ...end the deficit? Legalize pot right now...biggest cash crop in America..

Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is..

On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people o….

I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me..

Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer..

Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created ….

Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows..

I was a weekend drinker...I'd start on Saturday, end on Friday...thought I was controlling it...but I don't drink any more..

I have something to tell you non-smokers that I know for a fact that you don't know, and I feel it's my duty to pass on information at all times. Rea….

Is it my business if somebody wants to burn a flag?...No, it's not...That's called logic and it'll help us all evolve..

I don't know what you all believe, and I don't really care ... but you have to admit that beliefs are odd. Lots of Christians wear crosses around the….

I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York... Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum! Bye!.

I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust..