A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it's really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for c….

I'm comfortable being old... being black... being Jewish..

When comedy is good, it's jazz. The beats of it, the looseness, the improvisational part, the music-the way you hit the inflection, the high notes of….

I had a dream that Connie Chung is doing a newscast about my death and they show a clip from Soap..

Nobody is more truthful when he's acting than De Niro..

Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and ….

I think I've far exceeded what I ever thought I could possibly do. I'm almost shocked that I'm still around after all of these years . . . and always….

Dad had a music store, and he'd often bring home comedy albums that I would listen to. I started listening to Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby, and develop….

[My mother] is the greatest hero I'll ever know because she kept us all together, she made sure we all graduated college. She always believed in us n….

Two thousand years ago Jesus is crucified, three days later he walks out of a cave and they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps an….

My mind is always going. I'm always thinking what I need to do, what I haven't done, what I did do, what I didn't do as well as I could - I'm relentl….

At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn't have something to say on a nightly basis..

Great news! Hosting Oscars counts five hours toward my community service!.

Bambi, to a kid, was scary..

The Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday..