It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn't know they had a caddie division..

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties.

That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score..

I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105..

Lots of travel, away from home..

I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them..

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast..

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands.

Wine, women and song have been replaced by prune juice, a heating pad and the Gong Show..

I've got to watch myself these days. It's too exciting watching anyone else..

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble..

I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters..

I felt I wasn't getting anywhere in England..

Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as it's known at my house, Passover..

Some people put us down. But I still haven't heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico!.

I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it..

Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees..

Don't people know that they don't have to heckle the president of the United States? That's what Congress is for..

And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn't know that in America after the war, you wouldn't be a….

Eisenhower admitted that the budget can't be balanced and McCarthy said the communists are taking over. You don't know what to worry about these days….

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the h….