My act is pretty much me reflecting on what I want to talk about and what I think is funny and what has happened to me..

As a comic, I used to know more about pop culture..

I do think certain kinds of music can make you violent. Like, when I listen to Nickelback, it makes me want to kill Nickelback..

Good comedy makes you laugh, and bad comedy makes people you hate laugh..

I also smoke a lot of pot, occasionally, every day..

I like any big city. I like any place where you can see a guy with a pants-full of pooh fighting a ghost..

My friends are trying to get me to go out on blind dates. Big 'NO' to that because all my friends are a bunch of lying geeks. They're always like, 'B….

Once I could drive, I spent all my time in the city going to metal shows. I missed the first couple of Metallica shows because I was lame. By the tim….

I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies..

Whenever you see riot footage on TV - you know, someone throwing a brick in Pakistan or somebody throwing a fiery piece of pooh through a Starbucks w….

I was just surprised when my wife told me we were having a baby. I was like, Wow, that's awesome. You're going to make a great single mom..

We had our family tree done... turns out I'm a quarter gay on my father's side..

Metal is the feeling of being an outsider, but still being part of something huge..

I don't know if I was a poseur - I really did love metal, always - but I gave a lot of other things a chance. I wanted to meet, um, girls, so I would….

Always been a big heavy metal fan. I remember being 15 saying, Dude I'm going to love heavy metal forever. Heavy metal til I'm 60. I'm 35 now. I thin….

Just got a new car - got a little Miata convertible. Pretty happy about it, except for one thing: I'm 6-foot-6, so now I look like a McDonald's toy..

I love metal songs about metal. That's one of my favorite things. Nobody does that any more. Nobody sings about how metal they are, or about their fa….

Turns out, theres not a lot of information about pickles on the Internet..

I was such a weird kid. The really hardcore stuff like Venom - I was totally aware of them, and I listened to some of it - but they actually frighten….

I got into Kiss before I got into anybody. The first thing I heard was Detroit Rock City. I heard it in the school library, where I lived..

I wanted to be a vet before I got into comedy, but then once I found out how much gore goes into that job, I wanted nothing to do with it..