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Some people hate the sight of me as soon as they see me on television. They loathe the look of me, and I accept that from the days of variety. I would walk on and some people would open a newspaper and think, 'He's first on, so he can't be any good.' I accept that.
People think I am the crazy person on stage, but I know how to relax.
I hate the term 'arm candy.' But, look, a woman's figure is a beautiful thing, and if she has shapely legs, then she should show them off, because men love to see that. Not just heterosexual men - gay men like to see a woman in her beauty and the shape of her.
When I was in the business as a young performer, it was a recognised fact that when you got to 60 you were out, because there'd be a new crop of comics coming up all the time, every 10 years or so.
It's sad when you see most of your friends in the business gone, like Tommy Cooper, Frankie Howard, Eric Morecambe, Roy Castle, Les Dawson. They were very dear to me. You no longer have the chance to bump into them at a celebrity do.
Puerto Rico is one of those places you can be as quiet or as crazy as you want, because there's so much nightlife. I have to take the craziness carefully.
No one - apart from my agent, perhaps - should leave one of my shows in tears.
Just doing any kind of work - even an interview for breakfast television - makes me feel happy.
It's the combination of marrying a beautiful woman three decades younger and my iPad that keeps me young.
When I married Wilnelia, one of the first things I wanted to know about Puerto Rico was the quality of the golf courses.
It's frightening, the way life speeds up. When you're at school, time can't go fast enough.
My holidays are very important. Mind you, I take a very long one every year.
It's important for a dancer to wear very tight underpants. I used to feel a bit exposed if I wasn't being held up in the right place.
If I couldn't move, I don't know what I would do. That would be terrifying for me; I don't know how I'd cope with that.
If I go out one night, I must stay in the next. It's the same with my golf. If I play one day, I don't play the next. I try to pace myself.
It gets harder every day to get out of bed. I don't feel like it loads of the time. It is only my exercise routine which wakes me up.
I don't want to grow old gracefully. I want to put up a bit of a fight.
I'm not even really a joke-teller. I can do ad-lib and banter, but I don't do jokes.
Goodness, that Simon Cowell is a sensitive soul.
In my mind, everything is too sanitised on television - what is wrong with things going wrong?
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