Racism is exclusion, that's why I make fun of everybody..

What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes..

It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open... I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that restaurant..

Hurricane Katrina was caused by political correctness. I said it!.

When white people eat potato chips, they're called white people. When black people eat potato chips, they're called niggas..

When you are younger, you pretend to believe, but you are proving it to everyone and to yourself. The change comes when you know you're funny on the ….

When I was young and didn't have money, I liked gambling because winning and losing was fun for the rush of it. The amount of money that I would have….

I'm not white, I don't apologize for what my country did to become great.

Why are we rebuilding New Orleans? Whose idea was this, Aquaman?.

That's not news! When a shark comes out of the water, walks into a 7-11, and bites you in the ass, then it's news!.

My brain is very simple. Like when you break everything down. I see things in a simple way. And that simplicity for some reason becomes funny to othe….

I have little compassion for people in trailer parks who refuse to move after getting tornado warnings. How hard is it for them to relocate? Their ho….

And for all of you at home, you are all welcome to visit my store. You are also welcome to park off you motherparking parks, and go park yourself. Bu….

If you're Filipino, you're the beaner of the Asian community 'cause you're just like us. You're indigenous people that got banged by some Spaniards. ….

God has a sense of humor. If you don't believe me, tomorrow go to wal-mart and just look at people..

Growing up, I didn't know anything about comedy and didn't know anything about comedians or what standup was. I grew up in the projects with no dream….

The problem with the world is there's too many stupid people and nobody to eat them..

If your gonna drop out of school / tough grades are not your goal / then change your name to Candy and learn to work a pole..