When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go..

Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away..

Well, I don't know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up..

No one ever said life was fair. Just Eventful..

But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making ….

In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsa….

Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk? Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forci….

I always had a weak chin because we couldn't afford to correct my bite, which could have been corrected with braces. So the chin was always weak. And….

I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don't work out, that's when I've really learned..

If you want to know the feeling [of labor pain], just take your bottom lip and pull it over your head..

Before you go to bed, write down three 'gratefuls' for the day and three 'did wells' (they can even include something as simple as doing the laundry)….

What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don't think I could write a novel. I don't think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of charact….

If someone tells you that you cannot do something and you believe it, they are right..

It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, af….

I never regretted turning down anything, I never regretted losing a job because I always felt something else was out there..

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me..

I liked myself better when I wasnt me..

The audience is never wrong..

Adolescence is just one big walking pimple..

I'm really not that funny in real life. But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh..

You do have to love your kids enough to let them hate you. But it's the disease that's hating you, not them..