Explore Quotes by Carol Burnett

I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that.

I think the hardest thing to do in the world, show-business-wise, is write comedy.

I never regretted turning down anything, I never regretted losing a job because I always felt something else was out there.

I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes.

I couldn't get the laughter out of my head. It wasn't career. It wasn't even a choice. It was a calling.

You have to have faith that there is a reason you go through certain things. I can't say I'm glad to go through pain, but in a way one must, in order to gain courage and really feel joy.

The audience is never wrong.

The first time someone said, 'What are your measurements?' I answered, '37, 24, 38 - but not necessarily in that order.'

If you want to know the feeling [of labor pain], just take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.

You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself.

Because nobody goes through life without a scar.

I'm really not that funny in real life. But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh.

Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away.

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?

Before you go to bed, write down three 'gratefuls' for the day and three 'did wells' (they can even include something as simple as doing the laundry)-the results can be amazing!

People invite me to dinner not because I can cook, but because I like to clean up. I get immediate gratification from windex. Yes, I do windows.

I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don't work out, that's when I've really learned.

You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn't have the protection that a newspaper has.

In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door.

My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres.

But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh.