Explore Quotes by Daniel Tosh

I was drinking tea the other day, and I thought: they used to fight wars over this.

I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?

I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.

I'm not honest, but you're interesting!

I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.