It's a lot of anti-gay, racist humor—which people like in America—all couched in 'I'm telling it like it is.' He's in the right place at the right ti….

The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!.

I like pot, I enjoy pot, I like to smoke it. But, the one thing I don't like about pot is the subculture it's spawned. I think it's embarrassing and ….

Aqua Teen Hunger Force is one of the funniest shows on TV and I was a little intimidated working with those guys 'cause you're in a sound booth by yo….

We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't ….

I know Dave [Attel] and we're friendly, and I have nothing but respect for him..

I do believe that on a whole, women are definitely smarter than men... I also believe that dogs are smarter than women. No? That one, you don't belie….

I recently attended a pro-drug rally... in my basement..

In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent decision that you have to make, about every twenty minutes...you have to decide, immediat….

I'm concerned about organized religion getting away with what it gets away with..

I'm very vocal about my belief that all religion is garbage. Most of my friends are religious or at least spiritual. These are people I like and I kn….

The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country..

I'm concerned about how and why there is no gun control..

Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different..

I was in Antwerp - which, I had about 20 shows left at that point - and a guy said, "That's Dave Attell's." Also, Antwerp was my smallest audience, s….

Back when the Bible was written, then edited, then rewritten, then rewritten, then re-edited, then translated from dead languages, then re-translated….

I'd like to think that I'm not just making the point that I'm an atheist over and over, but that I explore different facets of religion. There's no w….

We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other ….

You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy..

That's what social media is, that's what Twitter is, that's what Facebook posts are. It's just really anti-intellectual..

I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted..