We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't ….

I recently attended a pro-drug rally... in my basement..

I'm very vocal about my belief that all religion is garbage. Most of my friends are religious or at least spiritual. These are people I like and I kn….

The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!.

Back when the Bible was written, then edited, then rewritten, then rewritten, then re-edited, then translated from dead languages, then re-translated….

I know Dave [Attel] and we're friendly, and I have nothing but respect for him..

We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other ….

I'm concerned about organized religion getting away with what it gets away with..

I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted..

I'd like to think that I'm not just making the point that I'm an atheist over and over, but that I explore different facets of religion. There's no w….

You have to have some level of attachment, you can still have passion and believe but it has to be softened somewhat..

You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy..

It's a lot of anti-gay, racist humor—which people like in America—all couched in 'I'm telling it like it is.' He's in the right place at the right ti….

I am truly passionate and concerned about the lack of empathy that people show towards one another..

All my friends are always telling me how hard it is to have kids. 'Oh, David, it's so hard.' That's not hard. I'll tell you what hard is. Try talking….

Aqua Teen Hunger Force is one of the funniest shows on TV and I was a little intimidated working with those guys 'cause you're in a sound booth by yo….

I like pot, I enjoy pot, I like to smoke it. But, the one thing I don't like about pot is the subculture it's spawned. I think it's embarrassing and ….

Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different..

I'm a professional comic. Whether you think I'm funny or not, that's, again, subjective..

I'm concerned about how and why there is no gun control..

I was in Antwerp - which, I had about 20 shows left at that point - and a guy said, "That's Dave Attell's." Also, Antwerp was my smallest audience, s….