Explore Quotes by David Cross

It's not about trying to be funny all the time. It's more of a document that hopefully is funny.

You can't just yell jokes at people.

What happened to our friendship? I really think it's our obligation as friends to be brutally honest and be frank with them and say, 'Look, I'm sorry, but your baby is fking boring.'

Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.

Besides if people really want to support the troops they would vote democrat.

I love Tinkle, it's really the most fun I've had in years.

My biggest problem is retaining the exact information.

Back when the Bible was written, then edited, then rewritten, then rewritten, then re-edited, then translated from dead languages, then re-translated, then edited, then rewritten, then given to kings for them to take their favorite parts, then rewritten, then re-rewritten, then translated again, then given to the pope for him to approve, then rewritten, then edited again, the re-re-re-re-rewritten again...all based on stories that were told orally 30 to 90 years AFTER they happened.. to people who didnt know how to write... so...

I was born Jewish, but I am an atheist. I dont believe in God.

It's a lot of anti-gay, racist humor—which people like in America—all couched in 'I'm telling it like it is.' He's in the right place at the right time for that gee-shucks, proud-to-be-a-redneck, I'm-just-a-straight-shooter-multimillionaire-in-cutoff-flannel-selling-ring-tones act. That's where we are as a nation now. We're in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride.

I'd be curious to find out, but I don't think people in the entertainment industry are proportionally more or less serious politically than anyone in the landscaping industry.

I lived in LA for almost nine years and if I never went back there again it would be fine.

I went to a bunch of marches in New York and Washington, and you know I believe in the cause, but to march with those people takes a lot of compromise on my end.

I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.

I think people, for the most part, actually want what they think is best.

Ive got a lot of friends there and there is stuff to do but as much as I dislike LA I really like living and working in New York City.

You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.