Dorothy Parker

Scratch a lover, and find a foe.

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

Men They hail you as their morning star Because you are the way you are. If you return the sentiment, They'll try to make you different; And once they have you, safe and sound, They want to change you all around. Your moods and ways they put a curse on; They'd make of you another person. They cannot let you go your gait; They influence and educate. They'd alter all that they admired. They make me sick, they make me tired.

The sun's gone dim, and the moon's gone black. For I loved him, and he didn't love back.

The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core. Scratch a lover and find a foe!

Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

I find her anecdotes more efficacious than sheep-counting, rain on a tin roof, or alanol tablets.... you will find me and Morpheus, off in a corner, necking.

For a few minutes, everything is so cute that the mind reels.... And then, believe it or not, things get worse. So I shot myself.

There must be courage; there must be no awe. There must be criticism, for humor, to my mind, is encapsulated in criticism. There must be a disciplined eye and a wild mind...There must be a magnificent disregard of your reader, for if he cannot follow you, there is nothing you can do about it.

The only “ism” Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Woman wants monogamy; Man delights in novelty. Love is woman's moon and sun; Man has other forms of fun. Woman lives but in her lord; Count to ten, and man is bored. With this the gist and sum of it, What earthly good can come of it?

Yet, as only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night.