I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me..

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot..

Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it's ready to wear again?.

Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, 'I don't ha….