Explore Quotes by Finley Peter Dunne

If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn't make any difference which you called in - if you had a good nurse.

I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.

Don't jump on a man unless he is down.

Vice goes along way towards making life bearable. A little vice now and then is relished by the best of men.

Meditation is a gift confined to unknown philosophers and cows. Others don't begin to think till they begin to talk or write.

One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.

It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.

Work is work if you're paid to do it, and it's a pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it.

Histhry is a post-mortem examination. It tellsye what a counthry died iv. But I'd like to know what it lived iv.

You can lade a man up to th' university, but ye can't make him think.

The past always looks better than it was;_x000D__x000D_it's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Stories are meant to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.