Occupation: Comedian Birth: November 6, 1926 Death: February 22, 2012
A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard.".
I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner.".
A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here.".
A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How much are your cracked ones?" He said: "35p….
So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'..
I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes four hours." I asked why and he said: "It kee….
I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer..
My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror.".
I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: "What way did you come in?".
There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.".
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish..
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly a….
A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photogr….
What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist..
A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have tol….
My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.'.
A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and sta….
An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was..
It's my wife Ruth's birthday soon. I said to her: "What would you like for your birthday?" She said: "I want a divorce." I said: "I wasn't planning o….
A girl asks her doctor, "Doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictory pill!" The doctor says: "Are you ignorant?" The girl says: "Yes, three month….
I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance..