Explore Quotes by Garry Shandling

I've been on a state of high alert since high school. I didn't need 9/11 to remind me that we live on a ball of flame.

The art of boxing is seeing spaces and being able to take shots. The hitting and being hit have to become one. Your reactions have to be so in the moment. There's no time to think.

Some people think the world will end in 2012. I think we've got until 2014. I'm an optimist.

I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much.

I think I look great in green, and I'm going to start wearing more green.

I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms.

I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full speed and doesn't pull his head into the shell very often, I in reality was five or ten minutes later to every recording session.

But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone.

Dr. Phil is hiding something. Otherwise, why wouldn't he use his last name?

Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their conflicts. And that commitment, I think, might be what love is, because they both grow from their relationship.

I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

I'm very loyal in a relationship. Any relationship. When I go out with my mom, I don't look at other moms and go, "I wonder what her macaroni and cheese tastes like."

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something entirely new. It would prevent me from wanting to host a standard-fare kind of talk show.

I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.

They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.

I think it's one of the main negative emotional ingredients that fuels show business, because there's so much at stake and the fear of failure looms large.

Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would be interested to see them in my life, so here's a movie for kids and I'm in there and I'm supposed to be kind of funny for kids.

My dog watches me on TV. So, if I may take this opportunity, "No! No! No!"

Was the Buddha married? His wife would say, "Are you just going to sit around like that all day?"

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.