Explore Quotes by George Burns

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them.

Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.