Explore Quotes by George Burns

When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.

Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.

I thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn’t take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

At my age flowers scare me.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.