It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty..

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there..

In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it..

When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights..