Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods..

A mood of constructive criticism being upon me, I propose forthwith that the method of choosing legislators now prevailing in the United States be ab….

Next to the semi-colon, quotation marks seem to be the chief butts of reformatory ardor..

Man makes love by braggadocio, and woman makes love by listening..

The average man does not get pleasure out of an idea because he thinks it is true; he thinks it is true because he gets pleasure out of it..

Kant was probably the worst writer ever heard of on earth before Karl Marx. Some of his ideas were really quite simple, but he always managed to make….

The best teacher is not the one who knows most but the one who is most capable of reducing knowledge to that simple compound of the obvious and wonde….

Man is a natural polygamist: he always has one woman leading him by the nose, and another hanging on to his coattails..

Wife: a former sweetheart..

I have little belief in human progress. The human race is incurably idiotic. It will never be happy..

Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and missing? That's the way the mind of man operates..

Immortality is the condition of a dead man who doesn't believe he is dead.

Confidence: The feeling that makes one believe a man, even when one knows that one would lie in his place.

Perhaps the most revolting character that the United States ever produced was the Christian Businessman..

The only good bureaucrat is one with a pistol at his head. Put it in his hand and it's good-bye to the Bill of Rights..

It is only doubt that creates..

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier..

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right..

The allurement that women hold out to men is precisely the allurement that Cape Hatteras holds out to sailors; they are enormously dangerous and henc….

It is only doubt that creates. It is only the minority that counts..

Writing does for me what giving milk does for a cow..