Just broke up with somebody. Well, it wasn't really a break up, it was a booty call I might have took too serious..

I'm, like, everybody's friend. I'm one of those dudes. I can be friends with anybody. Any race of person, any personality, I can kind of deal with th….

I'm looking to be the next comedy mogul..

Pursuing your dreams involves you accepting where you want to go. Don't allow anybody else to talk you out of things or discourage you from doing wha….

I'm big on facial expressions, and I'm big on mannerisms, which I find to be hilarious..

That's what I am; I'm a drip. You still get hydrated, you still get your nutrients, just a little at a damn time..

Damn! This flight attendant treating us like we won these first class tickets in a contest..

It's not even race; it's a certain type of person that gets 'Pootie Tang..

I may even show up behind the camera. I love to put things together; I love to give direction. I have a great eye for pace..

You can wait for things to happen for you or you can make things happen for you..

You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has ….

True Yankees fans know an up-and-coming player when they see one..

I have big hands. I can't do the touch-screen thing. I'm a button guy. I want to press buttons..

I did a club one night - the speakers were old as hell. My jokes were coming out in black and white..

We came here to pick up chicks, not talk about dicks..

I'm nice with damn kids, man. Kids love me. I can bounce back and forth. I can discipline kids and I can get into the mind of a kid..

Believe it or not, I write on stage. I can't write anywhere else; I have to be in a moment. I also have to challenge myself to make something funny o….

You know what I like? I like classic stuff. I like 'The Andy Griffith Show' - the variety of characters was so amazing to me..

A lot of comedians are selfish..

Keep it real by being straight forward. Don't pull no punches on people. It's better to tell somebody than just lollygag around, letting them think t….

When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage..