Kurt Vonnegut

I love you, because the love you gave me was the only love I've ever had, the only love I ever will have

We're here on Earth to fart around

America is the wealthiest nation on Earth, but its people are mainly poor, and poor Americans are urged to hate themselves... It is in fact a crime for an American to be poor, even though America is a nation of poor. Every other nation has folk traditions of men who were poor but extremely wise and virtuous, and therefore more estimable than anyone with power and gold. No such tales are told by American poor. They mock themselves and glorify their betters.

Let there be nothing harmonious about our children's playthings, lest they grow up expecting peace and order, and be eaten alive.

...when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, present, and future, always have existed, always will exist.

Why you? Why us for that matter? Why anything? Because this moment simply is.

The master of ceremonies asked people to say what they thought the function of the novel might be in modern society, and one critic said, “To provide touches of color in rooms with all-white walls.” Another one said, “To describe blow-jobs artistically.

Earthlings are the great explainers, explaining why this event is structured as it is, telling how other events may be achieved or avoided.

I am a very bad scientist. I will do anything to make a human being feel better, even if it's unscientific. No scientist worthy of the name could say such a thing.

If God were alive today, He'd be an atheist.

Anyone unable to understand how useful religion can be founded on lies will not understand this book either.

It shook up Trout to realize that even he could bring evil into the world — in the form of bad ideas.

A lover's a liar, To himself he lies, The truthful are loveless, Like oysters their eyes!

Love is where you find it. I think it is foolish to go looking for it, and I think it can often be poisonous.

The proper ending for any story about people it seems to me, since life is now a polymer in which the Earth is wrapped so tightly, should be the same abbreviation, which I now write large because I feel like it, which is this one: ETC.

What a fool I would have been to let self-respect interfere with my happiness!

The mountebank told them that God was surely trying to kill them, possibly because He was through with them, and that they should have the good manners to die. This, as you can see, they did.

He became fubar in the classic way, which is to say that he was the victim of a temporary arrangement that became permanent.

I have no culture, no humane harmony in my brains. I can't live without a culture anymore.

Man is vile, and man makes nothing worth making, knows nothing worth knowing.

Extenuating circumstance to be mentioned on Judgment Day: We never asked to be born in the first place.