I never knew a writer's wife who wasn't beautiful..

I would have been dead if it weren't for that great gift to civilization from the Chemistry Department of Harvard, which was napalm, or sticky jellie….

Everything of mine which has been filmed so far has been one character short, and that character is me..

Nothing in this book is true..

In those days great teachers at Shortridge [High School] were celebrities. I would look up to them..

I'd rather have written "Cheers" than anything I've written..

It is, in the imagination of combat's fans, the divinely listless loveplay that follows the orgasm of victory. It is called 'mopping up..

I learned how to make jokes because I wanted to give people as much fun as they did, and I guess I did, too..

Cigarettes are a classy way to commit suiside..

Seems like the only kind of job an American can get these days is committing suicide in some way..

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers - joined in the serious business of keeping our food, shelter, clothing and loved ones from combining with ….

If I wrote something that hadn't really happened, and I tried to sell it, I could go to jail. That's fraud!.

Never index your own book..

Sons of suicides seldom do well..

The feeling about a soldier is, when all is said and done, he wasn't really going to do very much with his life anyway. The example usually is: he wa….

A man without a home can't be lost..

The Chicago City News Bureau was a tripwire for all the newspapers in town when I was there, and there were five papers, I think. We were out all the….

You say what you have to say. But you have to learn to say it in such a way that the reader can see what you mean..

What is the purpose of life?...To be the eyes and ears and conscience of the Creator of the Universe, you fool!.

Reading a novel, War and Peace for example, is no Catnap. Because a novel is so long, reading one is like being married forever to somebody nobody kn….

It often is a terrible insult to some families if one of the kids turns out to be an artist and that's one way to really shake up the family if you h….