Lily Tomlin

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

The road to success is always under construction.

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

Truth is, I've always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.

I wonder what it would be like if we all became what we wanted to be when we grew up? I mean, imagine a world filled with nothing but firemen, cowboys, nurses and ballerinas.

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.

To me, "sexual freedom" means freedom from having to have sex.

Wouldn't it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas.

Maybe if people started to listen, history would stop repeating itself.

For fast-acting relief try slowing down.

We are people with lives, not consumers with lifestyles.

I have always felt that humor was a wonderful vehicle to let us become connected with each other and ourselves… I try to portray the similarities and polarities in men and women, so that we_x000D_ can acknowledge and embrace our collective consciousness.

Infinity is just time on an ego trip.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.

When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one.

My space chums think my unique hookup with humanity could be evolution's awkward attempt to jump-start itself up again. They're thinking just maybe, going crazy could be the evolutionary process trying to hurry up mind expansion. Maybe my mind didn't snap. Maybe it was just trying to stretch itself into a new shape. The cerebral cortex trying to grow a thumb of sorts.