Offence is important; that's how you know you care about things. Imagine a life where you're not offended. So dull..

I went to China for a brief working visit, and I thought that Shanghai was interesting, but Beijing totally grabbed me..

Jim Henson was an absolute genius..

Britain is obsessed with political correctness..

I don't mind not being cool; I wear a cardigan..

And much as I enjoy writing and creating stuff, I don't enjoy it so much that I am willing to give up any time that could otherwise be spent performi….

I find it hard to get enthusiastic about hotels because, as a touring comic, I spend a lot of time in them..

My purist comedy friends accuse me of being a Jack of all trades and master of none..

There are a lot of comics at the top end making staggering amounts of money and selling out stadiums. I think stand-up is a more intimate thing than ….

Guilt is feeling bad about what you have done; shame is feeling bad about who you are - all it is, is muddling up things you have done with who you a….

I became hugely overweight and then hated myself because it was a form of self-abuse, something over which I had no control. I think the thing compul….

I have learnt that I am incapable of packing the right amount of clothing, probably because I start 10 minutes before I'm supposed to leave, and that….

I think Ross Noble is the only person that I've seen really storm a stand-up slot at a festival, and that was when he led 3,000 people on a conga out….

I rarely fly, for environmental reasons more than anything else..

I stumbled on a joke idea and style that worked, the audience went with it and, from that moment on, I was hooked. It's an amazing feeling..

I realised that to compare your insides with other people's outsides leads to unhappiness..

If you go on stage with an agenda, you have to accept not everyone's going to agree with it..

The basic function of a comic is stand-up because it's so straightforward and simple. If the audience don't laugh, you didn't do your job. I've had s….

To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!.

I've spent a lot of very happy times in Edinburgh as a result of playing virtually every festival since 1996. It's also a beautiful city in its own r….

I have an addictive personality. Boarding school merely sent me more quickly on the downward spiral that dominated my childhood..