I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on..

You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow. (Oscar trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket).

I've given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself..

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember..

I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients..

My last picture for Warners was Romance on the High Seas. It was Doris Day's first picture; that was before she became a virgin..

An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall..

My psychiatrist once said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone'..

I never watch the Dinah Shore show- I'm a diabetic..

I never read bad reviews about myself, because my friends invariably tell me about them..

Once he makes up his mind, he's full of indecision. - On Dwight D. Eisenhower.

Now that Marilyn Monroe is kosher, Arthur Miller can eat her..

Talent's like a baby. Wrap it up in wool and it goes to sleep..

In some situations I was difficult, in odd moments impossible, in rare moments loathsome, but at my best unapproachably great..

A conductor should reconcile himself to the realization that regardless of his approach or temperament the eventual result is the same-the orchestra ….

Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision..

I could never have a mistress, because I couldn't bear to tell the story of my life all over again..

I'm controversial. My friends either dislike me or hate me.

[Madame Nhu was] the Sandra Dee of South Vietnam. If I were cast on a desert island with her, I would quickly make friends with the natives..

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome..

Schizophrenia beats dining alone..