I went to the University of Life and was chucked out..

Now I tell you the downside of this is you feel awful, but the upside is you feel terrific..

I could have been a Judge, but I never had the Latin for the judgin'. I never had it, so I'd had it, as far as being a judge was concerned... I would….

I saw an advertisement the other day for the secret of life. It said "The secret of life can be yours for twenty-five shillings. Sent to Secret of Li….

I didn't know dirty words could be done that artfully..

I would like to like to make one thing clear at the very outset and that is, when you speak of a train robbery, this involved no loss of train, merel….

One of the ways to avoid being beaten by the system is to laugh at it..

I've had some wonderful ideas for getting the dominating going. I've got some extremely subtle advertising slogans that should get the public behind ….

The thing that makes you know that Vernon Ward is a good painter is if you look at his ducks, you can see the eyes follow you around the room..

I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.

We exchanged many frank words in our respective languages..

All in all I'd rather have been a judge than a miner. And what's more, being a miner, as soon as you are too old and tired and sick and stupid to do ….

The garden of Eden was a boggy swamp just south of Croydon. You can see it over there..

I've always been after the trappings of great luxury. But all I've got hold of are the trappings of great poverty. I've got hold of the wrong load of….

Everything I've ever told you, including this, is a lie..

As I looked out into the night sky, across all those infinite stars, it made me realize how insignificant they are..

I would much prefer to be a judge than a coal miner because of the absence of falling coal..

All right, you great git, you've asked for it. I'll cover the world in Tastee-Freez and Wimpy Burgers. I'll fill it with concrete runways, motorways,….

Job was what you'd technically describe as a loony..

Life is a matter of passing the time enjoyably. There may be other things in life, but I've been too busy passing my time enjoyably to think very….

I am very interested in the Universe - I am specialising in the Universe and all that surrounds it..