A premium site with thousands of quotes
Same sex marriage isn't gay privilege, it's equal rights. Privilege would be something like gay people not paying taxes. Like churches don't.
Daniel Day-Lewis would play me as a baby. He can do anything. Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt are fighting out for me now. And Meryl Streep will play me after the sex change. I haven't told you about that, have I?
I don't think a comedian should even be concerned with being cool or sexy, as soon as you do, you aren't a comedian any more. Looks are still the most important thing for women when it comes to meeting a partner. And that's fair enough, but a sense of humour is really important too. For starters, it's a great indicator of whether you are going to get on. If the first time you go on a date you don't find each other funny, there's a fundamental problem.
What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It’s the people, investment in people. My proudest moment here wasn’t when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No. It was a young Greek guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went ‘Mr. Brent, will you be the Godfather to my child?’. Didn’t happen in the end. We had to let him go, he was rubbish. He was rubbish!
The only reason I work out is so I can eat more cheese.
The simple fact is, offense is taken, not given.
Animals are not here for us to do as we please with. We are not their superiors, we are their equals. We are their family. Be kind to them.
Thank you God for making me an atheist.
I fought a bear once. But it started crying, so I let it off.
Saying atheism is a belief system is like saying not going skiing is a hobby.
I don't think it matters if there is a god or not. I've met people who believe in God that are good and that are bad. And I've met people who don't believe in God that are good and that are bad. So, just be good. I'm good. Not cos I think I'll go to heaven but because when I do something bad, I feel bad. And when I do something good, I feel good.
I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg.
I like my baths really deep and hot. But washing everything only takes a few minutes. So I thought it would be a waste to just flush all that water away. So there was nothing else to do but take pictures of myself trying to look as horrendous as possible. Oh my, what have I started?
The truth doesn't hurt. Whatever it is, it doesn't hurt. It's better to know the truth.
It's going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking. Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: Breakfast.
Just looking at all the faces here reminds me of some of the great work that was done this year . . . by cosmetic surgeons.
Do this or you’ll burn in hell.
Your God is the best God. In fact, he's the only God. All other Gods are ridiculous, made up rubbish. Not yours though. Yours is real.
I've never been insulted by hateful satanists for not believing in their devil. Only by loving Christians for not believing in their God.
No one wants to see cool people doing brilliantly. I want to see the struggle. That's the fun bit.
Subscribe and get notification from us