A place where we all go can't be bad..

Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal..

My father retired to San Francisco, and I got a chance to know him and be around him. It's always been someplace where everything changed for the bet….

Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.' It's ripping your heart out throug….

I've actually gone to the zoo and had monkeys shout to me from their cages, "I'm in here when you're walking around like that?".

Comedy pays the bills if I can't find a film..

My childhood was really nice. My parents never forced me to do anything; it was always, "If you want to do that, fine." When I told my father I was g….

All the new people you meet, it's pretty amazing. The vampire needs new blood. And there is still a lot to learn and there is always great stuff out ….

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs..

Women! Can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em!.

The idea of having a steady job is appealing..

If I ever asked you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked a woman and been totally vulnerable..

A lot of celebrities golf because they want to be away. For them it's a chance to get away and be peaceful. For me it's peaceful to ride [cycling]..

On stage you're free. You can say and do things that if you said and did any place else, you'd be arrested..

Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?.

If you can remember the sixties, you weren't there..

I did an event in Washington, and it was like we lifted a sea.Immediately after [9/11], there was a stunned shock - kind of this feeling of "What do ….

Be prepared for luck..

I'm an Episcopal, which is Catholic Lite. It's like same religion, half the guilt..

The truth is, if anything, I'm probably addicted to laughter..

If you want to die, don't make a mistake and not quite kill yourself because the medical bills in America are hideous..