In California, we are a sixty percent Hispanic state, we elected an Austrian governor. Even old Nazis are going "That's weird.".

I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that intere….

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev..

I stopped drinking when I had children because I wanted to be awake and aware. I did not want to be going, you know, daddy loves you and then drop my….

The world is open for play, that everything and everybody is mockable, in a wonderful way..

You're still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitude.

My mother's idea of natural childbirth was giving birth without makeup. She was hyper-positive - the world is a wonderful place, rainbows and unicorn….

A woman wouldn't make a bomb that kills you. A woman would make a bomb that makes you feel bad for a while. That's why there should be a woman Presid….

Women are wonderful. They're amazing creatures. You can never learn enough! They're addicting in the most amazing sense..

Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!'.

What's my credibility? Why are they looking to me for advice? Isn't there someone more qualified?.

I think it's great when stories are dark and strange and weirdly personal..

What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong..

My preference is live performance. Because you get the feedback. There's an energy. It's live theater. That's why I think actors like that. You know,….

My children give me a great sense of wonder. Just to see them develop into these extraordinary human beings. And a favorite book as a child? Growing ….

Kid, if You Need Booze or Drugs to Enjoy Your Life to the Fullest, You're Doing It Wrong..

If women ran the world there would be no wars. However every 28 days there would be some very intense negotiations..

It's been a tough year. . . Someone said I should send out Buddhist thank-you cards since Buddhists believe that anything that challenges you makes y….

Comedy is acting out optimism..

There was an old, crazy dude who used to live a long time ago. His name was Lord Buckley. And he said, a long time ago, he said, 'People--they'r e ki….

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it..