I'd love to be a dead body in the emergency room and have George Clooney go, 'This one's gone!' while he puts a sheet on me..

My life goal is not to ruin anyone's existence. I'm a comic..

I think life is easier if you're straight..

Christianity is just as threatening as radical Islam in a country like America....

You can walk through life believing in the goodness of the world, or walk through life afraid of anyone who thinks different than you and trying to c….

Are you fat because you're a lesbian, or are you a lesbian because you're fat?.

I don't care if you want to hunt, I don't care if you think it's your right. I say, sorry, you are not allowed to own a gun, and if you do own a gun ….

I just want to say something. 655,000 Iraqi civilians are dead. Who are the terrorists?.

I love to be able to support other women comics..

I think there should be a law - and I know this is extreme - that no one can have a gun in the U.S. If you have a gun, you go to jail. Only the pol….

The Second Amendment is not really a right..

I am one of the haunted..

I think what children need is love, security, stability, consistency, and kindness..

Somebody's values and their morals are shown best in the way they treat others and their children, and the world in general. It's not necessarily the….

As a result of the [9/11] attack and the killing of nearly 3,000 innocent people, we invaded two countries and killed innocent people in their countr….

I've been on every diet in the world. I've been on Slim-Fast. For breakfast you have a shake. For lunch, you have a shake. For dinner, you kill anyon….

You know what happens to people who lie. They get sick and they get cancer. If they keep lying, they get it again..

Public school teachers in Long Island, New York, saved my life in the '70s. They were involved and invested and helpful. One took me into her family ….

And it never, ever was interpreted that the Second Amendment meant individual's right to bear arms.

I'm going to try really hard not to be bossy, but I've only done stand-up comedy and then my own show where you're the total boss of everything!.

There's something about being a part of Broadway and going backstage. You know, like when I go to see a show now and going backstage and saying "Hi" ….