I have a phenomenal memory. I remember every single thing that anybody said to me, ever did to me, who was nice to me and who was not nice to me..

I would get bullied a lot. You know, it was the '70s and '80s, so it was a lot of racism back then towards Indian people. And it wasn't actual hatred….

I don't make the stereotypes, I just see them..

We tell ourselves that the more time we have at our disposal, the more opportunity we will have of finding greater happiness. But again we are lookin….

If you're politically correct, chances are you're not coming to one of my shows. I get to go onstage and say things that everybody thinks all the tim….

Azhar Usman is very funny, deeply spiritual, and extremely hairy. He's like Zach Galifianakis meets Deepak Chopra-and funnier than you'd expect that ….

I'm always amazed at how much people 'get' when I'm performing overseas. I've never had to change my act on my international shows; I just make sure ….

Ideally I'd like to be working steadily as an actor: movies, a TV series, that sort of thing. I've been through a few different TV development cycles….

When you're DJing, there are songs I love to play, but I know people are going to walk off. It doesn't matter what I like. You have to be able to pla….

You do stand-up because you have to do it. If you're doing it to become 'famous,' you're wrong. If you're doing it to become a millionaire, you're do….

There's always someone who's going to interpret my material as racist, but it's not. Racism comes from intent and power. A racist will tell a joke ab….

Terrorists hate Americans. Indians hate each other. A terrorist will blow up an airport. Indians like to work at the airport. That would be counter-p….

Self-worth and financial worth become indistinguishable..

I don't want to be a part of any Bollywood movie..

My dad was the funniest guy I ever knew..

I love being a dad, and I'm a great dad..

No matter where you are, the root of you is designed from a young age. So if my confidence was taken as a child, you can gain back a lot of the confi….

I do a lot of cultural material that's based on my traveling around the world. I basically just report what I've seen and where I've been..

Stand-up and boxing are very similar. You're the only one out there, you're going into a fight, and you're going in with a game plan..

My guiltiest pleasure in life is 'America's Funniest Home Videos.' I watch them all - old, new - I don't care. Despite how bad the writing is on the ….

I don't need Hollywood. With or without them, I'll be fine. But I'll admit it would be nice to have them on board..