When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing..

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly..

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?.

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one..

always remember your unique, just like everone else.

Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK..

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models d….

How come abbreviated is such a long word?.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions..

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?.

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?.

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?.

I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter..

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it..

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before..

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts..