I'm always going to do whatever I think is funniest. If something's dark, I'll do it. If it's a sock puppet, if it's a stool, I'll do it..

It's not the child's responsibility to teach the parent who they are. It's the parent's responsibility to learn who the child is..

I love devastating movies, documentaries and hummingbirds (yes, in that order)..

I was talking and playing pranks and skipping school, failing pretty much every class I took..

I love drama - I would say more than I even love comedy - but I like in One Mississippi that I can go from a very moving moment to a Willy Wonka tube….

My age makes all my wrinkles and gray hair make sense..

I'm the luckiest unlucky person..

Everybody, male or female, needs to possess qualities that they expect others to uphold. Being aware of yourself and your actions allows you to asses….

I'm now a pretty good mix of my mother and my stepfather because I'm in general pretty mellow. I'm not hyper-emotional. But there's also this side of….

Everything's happened to me. Nothing can happen to me now..

As soon as I say I'm from Texas people say, "Oh, I'm sure the school was horrible" and they picture me wearing some barrel and suspenders and people ….

The ideal length of time for sex to last is the entire relationship, breaking only for snacks..

When anything huge happens to me, I always think, this isn't my moment, this is a moment..

Not many people have had as much bad luck as I have, but not many people have had as much good luck, either..

I really wanted to, but I just didn't understand how people became comedians. I kind of thought it was something you were born into. And so I wanted ….

I think every person and place is interesting, and there's an interesting story behind every door..

I hold back parts of my life and experiences... I don't want to share anything just for the sake of sharing and exposing myself, but if something fee….

I didn't just want to be the one who was always looking around at the weird family members. I wanted to make my mistakes..

I was really into music. I started playing guitar also when I was nine. I wanted to be in the Beatles, even though John Lennon died the year I got a ….

Life can very genuinely and realistically pile things on. It doesn't dole out the heartache and pain, or joy, perfectly..

When I announced I had cancer on stage, it was my brain leaping to that insane moment of, "There's no way I could start a show saying, 'Hi, I have ca….