Explore Quotes by Victor Borge

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward.

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza . . . I hate Liebestraum.

The essence of a general's job is to assist in developing a clear sense of purpose . to keep the junk from getting in the way of important things.

I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much.

Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos.

Beethoven wrote in three flats a lot. That's because he moved twice.

I learned to play the piano on my mother's knee - that was before we got a piano.

...the elephant smoked too much.

Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.

A Smile is a curve which can set a lot of things straight.

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.

I don't mind growing old. I'm just not used to it.

Flint must be an extremely wealthy town: I see that each of you bought two or three seats.

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?