At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

- Kristen Schaal

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

- Kristen Schaal

I'm so happy to be around people. I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write…

- Kristen Schaal

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

- Kristen Schaal

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

- Kristen Schaal

All the best movies are the ones that are cut from a more middle ground.

- Kristen Schaal

No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.

- Kristen Schaal

He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. …

- Kristen Schaal

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

- Kristen Schaal