Quotes on Funny

Prejudices are what fools use for reason.

We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn't want to meet.

When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best - that is inspiration.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.

Absence - that common cure of love.

There are many things worth living for, a few things worth dying for, and nothing worth killing for.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.

Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!

The hardest exercise for most of us fat people is that one where we push our chairback from the dinner table.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women's Affairs. Man, who'd she have to show here ankles to to get that job?

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."

A war of ideas can no more be won without books than a naval war can be won without ships. Books, like ships, have the toughest armor, the longest cruising range, and mount the most powerful guns.

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.

Don't mind your make-up, you'd better make your mind up.

I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them.

You don't lead by hitting people over the head - that's assault, not leadership.