Quotes on Funny

Fly-fishing may be a very pleasant amusement; but angling or float fishing I can only compare to a stick and a string, with a worm at one end and a fool at the other.

Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen. [...] Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer.

Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.

The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.

The life you have led doesn't need to be the only life you have.

When you see a good person, think of becoming like her/him. When you see someone not so good, reflect on your own weak points.

Our Constitution is in actual operation; everything appears to promise that it will last; but in this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

Responding to a question about remarks attributed to him that he did not think were his: "I really didn't say everything I said."

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

Thirty millions, mostly fools.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

I just like the continue doing what I've been doing. A melange of funny, straight drama, television, movies, a little theater here and there wouldn't hurt. So if I can keep doing that, I'll be a very happy person.

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.

Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.