Quotes on Funny

I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case.

A dog reflects the family life. Whoever saw a frisky dog in a gloomy family, or a sad dog in a happy one? Snarling people have snarling dogs, dangerous people have dangerous ones.

He took the bride about the neck and kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack that at the parting all the church did echo.

You have to imagine you write a show about a sponge and you think that maybe a few people will think it is funny, some college students, but it takes off. It is truly shocking - to the point where it is bizarre.

Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.

It takes two to speak the truth: one to speak, and another to hear.

He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.

You have to give 100 percent in the first half of the game. If that isn't enough, in the second half, you have to give what's left.

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.

I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters.

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Shortly after I met my mentor he asked me, ‘Mr. Rohn, how much money have you saved and invested over the last six years?’ And I said, ‘None.’ He then asked, ‘Who sold you on that plan?’

From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.

The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative.

Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.

There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are no rivers.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

Comedians have to challenge the power. Comedians should be dangerous and devastating - and funny. That's the hardest part.

Somewhere around the place I've got an unfinished short story about Schrodinger's Dog; it was mostly moaning about all the attention the cat was getting.