If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed.

- Chuck Lorre

According to the rules of comedy, your suffering will be funny after an undetermined length of time. Maybe not while you're having your gangrenous le…

- Chuck Lorre

Don't forget that you are the product of a culture that went stark raving mad about ten thousand years ago. Adjust your thinking accordingly.

- Chuck Lorre

I'm thinking of writing a children's story about a leaf on a tree who arrogantly insists he's a self-made, independent leaf. Then one day a fierce wi…

- Chuck Lorre

I believe that the voices of fear, both from without and within, can only be dispelled by trusting the voice that comes from the heart. Be still and …

- Chuck Lorre

Life is never quite like the brochure.

- Chuck Lorre

I believe that the obsessive worship of movie, TV and sports figures is less likely to produce spiritual gain than praying to Thor.

- Chuck Lorre

I believe that the laws of karma do not apply to show business, where good things happen to bad people on a fairly regular basis.

- Chuck Lorre

Love, sex, food, friendship, art, play, beauty and the simple pleasure of a cup of tea are all well and good, but never forget that God/the universe …

- Chuck Lorre