Even painfully shy and awkward people are not painfully shy or awkward when they are alone. The way to access this natural, comfortable alone-self when you are with others is by choosing to forbid yourself to wonder what "they" are thinking. Instead, force yourself to exist in the instant, then take it- and give it- as it comes.
Interpretation
People may feel shy around others, but they can find comfort in their true self when alone. To connect with others, focus on the present and let go of worries about others' opinions.
In this quote, Augusten Burroughs highlights the disparity between how individuals perceive themselves in isolation versus in social situations. He suggests that even the shyest individuals have a genuine, comfortable self that emerges when they are alone. To tap into this self while in the company of others, one must practice mindfulness and resist the urge to dwell on others' judgments. By embracing the present moment and interacting authentically, individuals can foster deeper connections and reduce feelings of awkwardness.
In practice
In a public speaking workshop, to encourage participants to embrace their true selves.
This is how you survive the unsurvivable, this is how you lose that which you cannot bear to lose, this is how you reinvent yourself, overcome your abusers, fulfill your ambitions and meet the love of your life: by following what is true, no matter where it leads you.
The truth is humbling, terrifying, and often exhilarating. It blows the doors off the hinges and fills the world with fresh air.
Some damage is too severe, some harm endures. And what you have to do is accept it. And by accept it I mean, don’t be the paralyzed person in the bed who is waiting to walk again. Realize, it’s never gonna happen. And find some other way to get around –swing from a vine, get a Mad Max wheelchair. Anything but…wait.
But then, look at me. My brain is incorrectly formed, and I'm shaped like a tube. Plus, I'm an alcoholic, a "survivor" of childhood sexual abuse, was raised in a cult and have no education. So, really, if you think about it, the only thing that separates me from the guy with the stinky foot and no teeth is a book deal and some cologne.
I think part of the reason I'm attracted to Foster is because he's such a mess. I mean, the people I have loved in my life have never been easy to love. I'm not used to normal. I'm used to disaster. I don't know, as messed up as he is, he's also sort of exciting, sort of a challenge. I'm accustomed to working for love.
Time moves only forward, never back. We look forward to a moment and then it arrives and an instant later it is gone. Like something on the surface of a river that we reached for but did not touch in time and it carried on, away. You cannot be a prisoner of your past against your will. Because you can only live in the past inside your mind.
He sometimes wondered if she had become involved with him just so that she could cry in someone's arms. Maybe she can't cry alone, and that's why she needs me.
A great many men's gratitude is nothing but a secret desire to hook in more valuable kindnesses hereafter.
I didn't want to see her because it would make me feel better. I came because without her, it's hard to remember who I am.
No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence.
Meg was going to have to learn for herself what Laurie had figured out over the summer - that it was better to leave well enough alone, to avoid unnecessary encounters with the people you'd left behind, to not keep poking at that sore tooth with the tip of your tongue. Not because you didn't love them anymore, but because you did, and because that love was useless now, just another dull ache in your phantom limb.
We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.
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