My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

- Erma Bombeck

It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.

- Erma Bombeck

A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.

- Erma Bombeck

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

- Erma Bombeck

Someday, when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a mother, I'll tell them: I loved you enough to bug you about where y…

- Erma Bombeck

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch…

- Erma Bombeck

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

- Erma Bombeck

Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so qui…

- Erma Bombeck

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

- Erma Bombeck