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In a good relationship, people get angry, but in a very different way. The Marriage Masters see a problem a bit like a soccer ball. They kick it around. It's 'our' problem.
John M. Gottman
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Interpretation

What this quote means

In healthy relationships, conflicts are viewed as shared challenges rather than personal attacks.

This quote by John M. Gottman emphasizes the importance of collaboration and perspective in relationships. Rather than seeing conflicts as a negative experience, it suggests that couples who embrace healthy dynamics understand that challenges can be viewed as 'our' problems to solve together, much like a soccer ball that can be kicked around and discussed openly.

Themes

RelationshipConflictCollaborationCommunicationPartnership

In practice

Example use cases

During a couple's therapy session discussing how they handle disagreements.

More from John M. Gottman

Admit when you're wrong. Shut up when you're right.
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Marriages are much more likely to succeed when the couple experiences a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions whereas when the ratio approaches 1 to 1, marriages are more likely to end in divorce.
John M. GottmanRead
Gay and lesbian relationships operate on essentially the same principles as heterosexual relationships
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