I never yell, I never tell, but I'm grateful as hell.

- Benny Hill

I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.

- Benny Hill

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

- Benny Hill

I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: …

- Benny Hill

Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason... now I have a reason.

- Benny Hill

Roses are reddish Violets are bluish If it weren't for Christmas We'd all be Jewish.

- Benny Hill

Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.

- Benny Hill

Did you ever notice that everyone in favour of birth control has already been born ?

- Benny Hill

The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut t…

- Benny Hill