I've always liked cops, as much as you can like a group of people, you know? Sure, I've been hassled, but I'm a white dude - privileged.

- Jeff Ross

Instead of running for President, why don’t you try walking on a treadmill?

- Jeff Ross

Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.

- Jeff Ross

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. …

- Jeff Ross

My life and my career have been a series of happy and not so happy accidents.

- Jeff Ross

How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?

- Jeff Ross

People are not afraid to be very direct with police. And I think that's part of the problem is that people are angry at the cops and then the cops ar…

- Jeff Ross

The good thing about a jail show is nobody gets up and walks out.

- Jeff Ross

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

- Jeff Ross